My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
