just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
