Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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