i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
