I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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