Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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