Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
