oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
