I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
