Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
