My nipple is on Facebook.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You are a genius and a whore.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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