my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
