you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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