We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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