remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
