Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
