hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
