Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
