If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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