You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
