i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
