The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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