walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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