remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
