The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
