Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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