i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
