She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
