hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
