Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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