How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
NoShamevember. You game?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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