she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
