ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
