this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
