i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
