I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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