i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
