Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
