we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
