toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
These tits shall not be calmed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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