Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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