He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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