remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
