So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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