Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
