Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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