12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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