Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
