it wasn't lemon gatorade
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
