I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
