he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
