i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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