I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
