I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
