Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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