Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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