Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
