A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
