WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
