I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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